4 Ways to Mess up Raising Children {Lifestyle}

Do you not want your child to talk to you when you get older?  Are you tired of your child or do you regret having your child?  The following is a guaranteed way to ensure that your child will not call or talk to you when they move out of the house.

  • Talk down to your child.

Always scold her that she did wrong, but never tell her when she did right. Praising shows a sign of weakness, and could give her a big head.  You need to do your best to keep her humble!  No one likes someone who is confident in herself.  Make sure you chew her out for a minimum of an hour a day.  Bonus points if you say that you regret having her once a week.

  • Never have heart-to-heart talks with your child.

Unless you yell at him for something he did wrong of course. Talking to your child may show your child your weakness.  Never tell your child anything personal or show that you are human.  You need to keep the air that you are perfect and untouchable to your child.  Plus, you don’t have time for meaningless talks with your child!  You have Facebook and Instagram to update to show strangers out there what a perfect parent you are.

  • Don’t accept your child for who she is.

Try to change them to be who you want them to be, or who you think they should be. Your daughter wants to be an artist?  No way!  Artists can’t make it in the real world, and most don’t make enough money!  You need to tell her she is going to be a doctor, even if she does get squeamish at the sight of blood.  She needs to make good money so you can brag about her on Facebook and how successful she is and how much money she’s making.  Your son is an introvert and you are not?  This will not do!  Force him to go to social events and tell him that de needs to make more friends.  Tell her that he is too sensitive, too shy, too quiet, a hermit, and that is not healthy.  Do your best to change him to be an extrovert, even if it kills you.

  • Don’t develop a relationship with your child.

Never be there when he needs you. Unless it benefits you, of course. Work so much to make money for them* to have the life you never had, but make sure you are not around when they need you. Money and material things always trump quality time. Never attend their boring games; use work as an excuse.  Never ask him about his day.  Make sure you are never home, and when you are home, make yourself so busy cleaning (while muttering how worthless your child is under your breath) or on the computer/phone so your child can’t approach you.  Put your child in so many activities so you don’t have to deal with him.  Force him to go on vacations with you every summer, and grumble and scold him the whole trip.  Force him to be around you the whole time, but don’t do anything he wants to do.

Obviously, the points mentioned above are tongue-in-cheek.  It’s common to hear older adults complain how their child doesn’t call them, talk to them, or won’t even see them.  This is so disheartening to hear and experience.  Thoughts go around that the child is selfish, greedy, self-absorbed.  This could be true, but it could also be the fact that parents just weren’t there for their children (mentally and/or physically), mentally abused their child, or refused to accept their child was their own person.Child

What to Do Right
  • Praise Your Child.

I am not talking about giving her medals for just participating. Build her up; praise her for her hard work.  The harder she works on something, the more you should praise her!  If she does something wrong that needs to be corrected, do the sandwich method:  positive, negative, and positive.  Also, explain why they did wrong.  Focus more on the positive. It’s not wrong to let her know you are proud of them.  I know the Bible says “Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall.” (Proverbs 16:18) and “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” (Proverbs 11:2), but being proud of your child is actually expressing delight in the child and a feeling of deep satisfaction with what the child has been able to accomplish.  This is basically saying, “I love my child.”  This type of pride is other-centered and can be nothing sinful about it.  In fact, even God was proud of Jesus.

Children desperately need to know they are loved and appreciated. Their self-esteem is based largely on the input they receive from their parents.  They tend to grow up seeing themselves the way their parents see them.  It’s absolutely vital to reassure her that she is valuable in the sight of God.

  • Have a lot of conversations with your child.

If you want your child to come to you when they have something big and important to tell or discuss with you, you need to listen to the small things. When children are a toddler, I know that they can talk for hours (and hours and hours), but listen to them when they talk excitedly about their favorite toy.  Listen to your child when he talks to you about Minecraft.  Listen to your child when they talk to you about their good friends at school.  Those little things will become big things when they can trust you and know you will listen.  You children will not come to you if they know you will not listen (or chew them out) in the first place.

  • Accept your child for the individual they are.

Your child is their own individual. There will never be someone the same as him ever.  Your child is not a mini version of yourself.  Your child is not your second chance at life. Do now force your child to do something they don’t want to do just because you didn’t get a chance.  Your child may love art—encourage that.  Your child may love soccer—root for her.  Your child may love animals—inspire him the best you can.  Your child may be an introvert that has a sensitive heart.  This is the way God may your child.  Embrace that.  Have your child be the best person they can be with the way that God made them.  Don’t try to change them—it won’t work.  Don’t make them feel inferior for who they are.

  • Try to be the best parent you can be for your child.

Develop a great relationship with them. Like I mentioned above, listen to them.  When you get home, try to keep your phone/computer away as much as possible.  Be there for your child.  Quality time, not quantity is the key.  Do puzzles, play tag, or whatever they love to do.  Go to their games or music events.  Be their biggest cheerleader!  Don’t sit there in the stand on your phone complaining to everyone how bored you are.  Talk to them in the car.  (This is a perfect place to bond with your child as you both can’t go anywhere else!)  Just take time to bond with your child, earn their trust, and be there for them.

Of course, doing all of these things doesn’t guarantee that your child will be close to you, but at least you can be self assured you did the best you could for your child.  You only have your child for 18 years.  In the grand scheme of life, that is so short.  Make every moment matter to your child.

*Working to make ends meet to pay the bills and such is a different story.  I am talking about those that work long hours so they look rich.

 

 

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